Speaking truth to power.

Your voice is your most powerful weapon.

I am not asked to speak often. There is something frightening about what I have to say in these times. Usually when I am asked, it is for a small community college. The larger universities and law schools do not often feel a need to listen to me because Latino and border studies classes in these large institutions are often run by former Border Patrol agents and heavily influenced by the Department of Homeland Security. The University of Texas is a great example of this censorship. My book is not allowed, nor am I allowed to speak at the various UT campuses across the state.

When I first started speaking, the format was based more on my personal experience and my book. “Against the Wall,” is taught in many small Chicano, Latino and border studies classes. This is an enormous honor for a former Border Patrol agent. Time and experience in speaking has allowed me to realize that I have this one opportunity to get through to these young minds and my story alone is not necessarily going to achieve this. Lately, I say less about myself and more about why these young adults should never consider joining the immigration enforcement agencies.

These students are just starting their adult studies. Most will likely not continue on to advanced degrees. The lack of financial support, rising costs, abandonment of higher education by the government and just basic life will get in the way. Chances are they may already have kids of their own. With costs rising, many will likely have to for go their education for work.

At the same time, these young adults have been raised in a post 9/11 world. This means they only know the immigration enforcement agencies after the terrorist attacks on America. I have come to understand that they know how first responders raced into those towers to try and rescue thousands, many to only be crushed in the rubble. Those who survived were left with the toxic waste destroying their bodies.

They know these agencies as honorable even if they were the ones responsible for allowing the terrorists into the country and ignoring all the warnings. They see the agents as heroes although none of them served on that fateful day, but all of them demand respect as if they had been there. They know “thank you for your service” and 9/11 memorials. They know the propaganda videos that run endlessly on YouTube and Instagram showing Border Patrol agents rescuing migrants in distress, apprehending people on something called a terrorist watch list and how their motto is Honor First. They have heard about all the criminals caught trying to enter our country, and the ways that these men and women have protected us.

Yet, oddly enough, they know little about the people who died on that day. This is because 9/11 remembrance has become a celebration of law enforcement, a forced tribute that mandates deference to anyone with a uniform and a badge.

Often, those who are about to hear me speak come up and introduce themselves. They are interested in joining ICE, CBP and Border Patrol. The pay is outstanding, the benefits are incredible. You start at about $50k a year, and can be earning over $100k in three years. You do not have to have a college degree or even a high school diploma as a high school equivalency is enough. No work experience, no prior military required. You can have prior arrests for DUIs and even sexual assault, and they will still hire you. For many, it is difficult to say no.

Most think they know what these agencies are and claim that ICE, CBP and Border Patrol were once honorable. It is only Trump who has made them so corrupt and brutal. This makes me smile like the way I smile at a little child who believes Santa Claus is real.

I always start out with a bit about myself. I joined in June of 1995 and rose to the rank of Senior Patrol Agent, and so on. I point out the women were not allowed to join until the federal government forced the Border Patrol to take us. I introduce them to Ernestina Lopez, our first Latina agent in training. She never made it to a full agent because she was the first female agent sexually assaulted by her classmate. And thus the rape culture for female agents started.

“Ernestina was raped by her classmate in 1975. Twenty years later, I was raped by my classmate and hazed into the US Border Patrol. She lost her job because she complained. I kept mine because I kept my mouth shut and continued working next to my assaulter,” I calmly say. “That is what it takes to become a Fierce 5%er.” And then the room becomes silent as I pause to look at their faces.

It is uncomfortable.

But all of that was a long time ago. So, I bring it forward to today, and show the slides of todays agents who are raping, sexually assaulting, strangulating, using their rank to force female agents into sex, sexually abusing children, producing child pornography, smuggling migrants, smuggling drugs and even trafficking children into sex. I show how Border Patrol agents commit more violent crimes than the migrants they arrest. I show how Trump’s policies created crises after crises on the southern border and how the right-wing media has sold Americans on a fake invasion that was caused by the feds simply refusing to process anyone. I show how people are still crossing today but that the agencies are lying and the media is not covering it.

I show how what they are seeing immigration enforcement agencies doing in cities today is what they have been doing on the southern border for generations.

I leave them with the fact that these agencies see their agents arrested five times more than other law enforcement agents, that the Border Patrol has more suicides than any other agency. And then I raise my hands and show them how deformed they are from my own attempt. I beg them to not go into these agencies because it will leave them destroyed. Their children will hate them, their families will disown them. They will lose their marriages, and they will look in the mirror one day and not recognize themselves.

For those who still think that what they are seeing in these kidnapping videos sounds like a great career path, I make it clear that they need to address that with a mental health expert. Recently, I have ended with making it clear that these agencies have violated their oath to the Constitution, and there is no reforming this. There is no acceptable apology for this violent, criminal behavior that is a betrayal to Americans.

They must be abolished.

People say I am brave for saying this, for making these speeches. You should know that it terrifies me and emotionally drains me to do them. But I cannot stop speaking, because I don’t see anyone else willing to. These young adults are where the agencies go to recruit. If all they know is the post 9/11 propaganda, they will enter these agencies and repeat history.

I cannot live with that.